Shop the MH Superstore!

Likable Wilma
by William Blake

Wilma, Wilma, in thy blouse,
Red-haired prehistoric spouse,
What immortal animator
Was thy slender waist's creator?

When the Rubble clan moved in,
Was Betty jealous of thy skin,
Thy noble nose, thy dimpled knee?
Did he who penciled Fred draw thee?

Wilma, Wilma, burning bright, ye
Cartoon goddess Aphrodite,
Was it Hanna or Barbera
Made thee hot as some caldera?
Hen Gonads
by Ogden Nash

I thought running a chicken breeding farm would
be a simple matter,
Just pipe some romantic music into the chicken
coop and chill some champagne and sit back
and wait for the proverbial little feet's pitter-patter,
But it's turned out to be trickier than that to
affect a chicken's libido,
Because I just don't know what chickens find attractive,
I mean, when I go out on the town I dress to the
nines, but does a chicken prefer a rooster in an
opera hat and tuxedo?
Well, I can say definitively that she does not,
And if anyone has been considering the purchase of
a rooster-sized tuxedo and opera hat you should
come down here and take a look at this reasonably
priced used set I've got.
Neither did my backup plan of spiking the chicken feed
with Spanish fly produce results,
Nor the screening of nature documentaries intended for adults,
Nor threats of arroz con pollo,
Nor...well, I don't want to give all the embarrassing details,
but let's just say there's nothing quite like asking a
salesman if he has a vibrator specifically designed to
stimulate hen gonads to make one feel like a total yo-yo.
Yes, I'm distinctly subpar at stirring romantic longings
in the loins of a chicken, and when it comes to setting up
blind dates in the poultry world, I make a pretty poor yenta,
So as for breeding chickens, perhaps I wasn't menta.
nice smug me
by e.e. cummings

this here verse's
i used to
stick to regular metered
now i write onetwothreefourfive poemsjustlikethat

but this is simple work
and what i want to know is
how much am i going to get paid for this
mister editor


Holy Tango Vol. 1

Holy Tango Vol. 3

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.