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MARRIAGE TO
BILLY BOB THORNTON



Do not scream or run. Panicking will only use up precious energy.


Try to gently extricate yourself bit by bit over the course of several months. Do not struggle or make violent motions.


Keep in mind that most people in this situation have found it to be temporary.
Even if your efforts to free yourself seem to have no effect, you will get out eventually. Your goal should be to minimize trauma to yourself while you implement your escape.


With a swift, smooth motion, engage an attorney.





Worst-Case Scenarios:
Red wine stain
Mispronouncing "nuclear"
Karaoke office party
Marriage to Billy Bob Thornton
Haggis or blood pudding
Party full of former lovers
Front row at Disney's "Aida"
Your life on "Sex in the City"
Starring in "The Avengers"












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Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.