Q: Who is Halloween?
A: Halloween is not a person but rather a thing. That
is, instead of referring to a specific individual (or a group
of individuals, for that matter!), it doesnt.
Q: What is its origin?
A: Halloween comes from Peter Halloween, a wolf-man who lived in the 1940s.
Q: Who told you that?
A: A good researcher never reveals his sources.
was Peter Halloween, Jr., wasnt it?
Q: Isnt "Halloween" a modified contraction of "Hallows eve," which refers to the night before All Hallows (another name for the Catholic All Saints Day), which in turn was influenced by the Celtic New Year?
A: Maybe in your little fantasy world.
did the practice of trick-or-treating develop?
Q: That was not very scary.
A: Whatever. I wasnt even trying to scare you. I
was referring to the Bureau of Occult Observances, a great resource
for information on this topic.
Q: How is Halloween celebrated in other countries?
A: Children in most countries dress up in funny costumes every day of the year. And, in Eastern Europe, booooo!
Q: Stop doing that. You are not frightening me.
A: Im sorry. I promise I wont do it again. Please accept my apoloBANSHEEs!
Q: Im afraid that makes no sense.
A: See? Youre afraid.
Q: Do you think dressing up as monsters is a useful way for children to sublimate socially unacceptable aggression?
A: LOOK OUT! THERES A HUGE VAMPIRE ON YOUR ASS!
Q: I am quite sure youre lying. But that reminds me of my next question: Is there a huge vampire on my ass?
Q: What is the best Halloween costume ever?
A: Once this guy dressed up as a bonafide lady! He had
a black dress, red lipstick, and a curvy torso. Later I found
out he wasnt a guy after all. But by then it was too late:
Id already elected him president.
Q: Why do we carve scary expressions into pumpkins?
A: Theyre less bloody.
Q: But what is the significance of pumpkins?
A: Pumpkin = kin of the pump = kin of the heart = kin of the blood = worshipper of the blood = worshipper of red = worshipper of reddish orange = orange = pumpkin.
Q: Which is a better candy: Three Musketeers or Snickers?
A: You couldnt be asking a more conflicted person; my mother owns a Three Musketeers plant, and my father owns a Snickers bar.
it wrong to slice up children on Halloween, provided each slice
is of equal size, coated in chocolate and offered to trick-or-treaters?
A: Only from the perspective of the children. But most children dont have much perspective.
Q: Besides "Smell my feet" and "Give me something good to eat," what are approximately five other rhymes youngsters can use when going door-to-door?
A: "This be how I choose to greet."
"Im a vegan; please
"Preferably some untilled
"When older I shall star
Q: What is the wildest Halloween prank anyones ever pulled?
A: The Vietnam War.
Q: What are you going to dress up as this year?
A: Im going to be
youre already super, man!
A: Thanks, bro. That means a lot coming from me.