Suicide is the practice of taking one's own life. Although
it has much in common with other premature causes of death like
homicide and old age, suicide is a self-directed action, while
homicide is just a sugarcoated name for murder.
can take part in it?
Committing suicide is a personal choice that any individual
is free to make, just like wearing a certain style of clothing,
having an abortion, or running for president. However, unlike
running for president, it has no age minimum, and unlike wearing
a certain style of clothing, it doesn't involve staying alive.
That said, suicide makes considerably more sense for some people
than for others. If one is about to be executed by an approaching
army, suicide is a clever idea that will surely frustrate them,
whereas if one is momentarily distraught because of some minor
setback, it's a tossup.
Here is a brief list of circumstances under which suicide may
does it work?
end of a romance
loss of a grandparent
ready for a change
tired but don't want to sleep
Although a detailed discussion of pathology and human
anatomy is arguably beyond the immediate scope of this primer,
most people choose choking, drowning, stabbing, or shooting. Those
who want to stand out from the crowd often employ a clever twist
on an old theme; for example, instead of jumping off a skyscraper
with no parachute, they jump off a skyscraper with two parachutes,
both of which are fake. The best suicides are quick and to-the-point:
Passersby like to be entertained, but they don't have long attention
spans. The best suicides are also economical: It is a foolish
man who blows his entire life savings on a one-time thrill.
there any potential risks involved?
As with any human endeavor that requires individuals
to overcome their instincts of self-preservation and rationality,
there is always the possibility that an attempted suicide will
fail. This is as true today as it was in 1883, when prominent
Southern belle Angela Matteson tried to strangle herself by wearing
a comfortable necklace. Instead, she was proposed to that very
evening by a curmudgeonly sheriff who will remain anonymous because
that's the way he would have liked it. Everything in life involves
a certain amount of risk, and any individual who chooses to avoid
risk entirely can hardly be considered alive at all.
there any potential benefits?
Beautiful flowers for mom.
I leave a note?
Although not essential, many suicide hobbyists find
it useful to put down some of their thoughts on paper before the
"big event." In much the same way that keeping a personal
diary helps one clarify experiences and solidify life's lessons,
writing a suicide note is a great way to let others know what
they did wrong and how much guilt they should carry until they
pass away themselves. However, not everyone likes to read, so
be sure to include some comic relief. One possibility is to start
with the lines: "By the time you read this, I will be gone.
If only you weren't such a slow reader!" Another is to end
with a smiley face before your signature. Finally, it often deepens
the impact to throw in a hidden message or two; for example, try
using the word "death" more than you normally would
in your correspondence.
having second thoughtsis it really such a good idea that
I kill myself?
You're putting me in a very awkward position as both
citizen and a comedy writer.
I guess I'll be off to the bridge, then.
You're not going to jump, are you?
that's just where the race begins.
Oh. Well, good luck.