Shop the MH Superstore!






MCVPBCBF

Plaintiffs,

vs.

SECRETARY KATHERINE HARRIS, THERESA LAPORE, JUDGE TERRY LEWIS, JUDGE STEPHEN A. RAPP, CARL HIAASEN, LILLY PULITZER, BUTTERFLIES, SUNSHINE, THE NATION OF CHAD, THE INVENTOR OF "HELVETICA CONDENSED" TYPEFACE AND PRESTON STURGES

Defendants.

COMPLAINT

We, the members of the newly formed citizens’ group The Most Confused Voters of Palm Beach County By Far, or MCVPBCBF (pronounced MCVPBCBF), allege that the Palm Beach ballot (reproduced below) contains language and design so confusing, misleading and otherwise baffling as to cause us to vote in error in the following ways, thereby rendering us disenfranchised:

1. Voters in our organization thought "Dick Cheney" was a directive rather than a name.

2. Some voters could discern no party affiliations for the candidates, as they were taught in speed-reading class to ignore all parenthetical statements.

3. The name "Winona LaDuke" on the ballot confused many voters, who believed that punching that hole would cast a vote for David Duke, since it is widely known that he uses the stage name "LaDuke" in his cabaret act.

4. Elderly voters in particular were confused by the presence of both the Socialist Party and the Socialist Workers Party, and were unable to recall which stands for worker control of all industry through the democratic organization of the workplace and for the social ownership of the means of production and distribution, and which stands for workers collectively seizing control of society’s wealth and democratically planning its production and distribution according to human needs instead of profit.

5. Poll workers reported that voters, after seeing the name "Ezola," declared, "No flesh-eating, tax-and-spend virus is going to get my vote, by jingo."

6. Upon seeing that The Workers World Party candidates were famous porn stars Monica Moorehead and Gloria La Riva, many voters concluded that the whole ballot was obviously a joke.

7. Voters were confused that the Constitution Party ticket contained no ridiculous names whatsoever.

8. Upon seeing the candidates for the two major parties, many voters concluded that the whole ballot was obviously a joke.




More Election Chaos 2000
















Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.