SECRETARY KATHERINE HARRIS, THERESA
LAPORE, JUDGE TERRY LEWIS, JUDGE STEPHEN A. RAPP, CARL
HIAASEN, LILLY PULITZER, BUTTERFLIES, SUNSHINE, THE NATION
OF CHAD, THE INVENTOR OF "HELVETICA CONDENSED"
TYPEFACE AND PRESTON STURGES
We, the members of the newly formed
citizens group The Most Confused Voters of Palm
Beach County By Far, or MCVPBCBF (pronounced MCVPBCBF),
allege that the Palm Beach ballot (reproduced below) contains
language and design so confusing, misleading and otherwise
baffling as to cause us to vote in error in the following
ways, thereby rendering us disenfranchised:
1. Voters in our organization thought
"Dick Cheney" was a directive rather than a name.
2. Some voters could discern no party
affiliations for the candidates, as they were taught in
speed-reading class to ignore all parenthetical statements.
3. The name "Winona LaDuke"
on the ballot confused many voters, who believed that
punching that hole would cast a vote for David Duke, since
it is widely known that he uses the stage name "LaDuke"
in his cabaret act.
4. Elderly voters in particular were
confused by the presence of both the Socialist Party and
the Socialist Workers Party, and were unable to recall
which stands for worker control of all industry through
the democratic organization of the workplace and for the
social ownership of the means of production and distribution,
and which stands for workers collectively seizing control
of societys wealth and democratically planning its
production and distribution according to human needs instead
5. Poll workers reported that voters,
after seeing the name "Ezola," declared, "No
flesh-eating, tax-and-spend virus is going to get my vote,
6. Upon seeing that The Workers World
Party candidates were famous porn stars Monica Moorehead
and Gloria La Riva, many voters concluded that the whole
ballot was obviously a joke.
7. Voters were confused that the Constitution
Party ticket contained no ridiculous names whatsoever.
8. Upon seeing the candidates for
the two major parties, many voters concluded that the
whole ballot was obviously a joke.