OTHER LAST-MINUTE PRANKS
FROM OUTGOING CLINTON STAFF

Removed the "Launch nuclear strike" key from keyboards (Command-Shift-7 on a Mac).

Re-programmed word processing system to automatically add quotation marks around “President” Bush.

Replaced painting of John F. Kennedy with poster of “Supergirl” (1984).

Slashed Air Force One's tires.

Changed all the voice mail outgoing messages to say, "Hi, you've reached—Help! Dick Cheney is touching me inappropriately! I'm so serious!"

Told cousin Dwight he could crash for a month.

Switched speed-dial labels on Oval Office telephone: Chinese President Jiang Zemin's numbers now labeled "Lucky Wok Take-Out."

Cut hydraulic lines in landing gear of Air Force One.

Left whoopee cushion on Karl Rove's chair.	Left fake dog-doo on Karen Hughes' chair.	Left half-eaten salami sandwich on Dick Cheney's chair.

Blocked "Temptation Island" from White House TiVo.

Modified heating system so it tends to be either slightly too cold or slightly too hot.

Replaced entire Secret Service staff with this man.

Placed global positioning device on Air Force One, linked it to a constantly updated Web page, wired all of Afghanistan for Internet access, mailed URL to Osama bin Laden.

Poised the economy on the brink of a crash.

Replaced bust of Franklin D. Roosevelt with bust of Michael Jackson.		Flushed fax machines down the toilet.

Ripped out "Dining -- BBQ" section from D.C. phone directory.

Elected the wife of outgoing President Clinton to the U.S. Senate.