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COMING UP ON EPISODE SIX
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Horrifying, brutal tragedy strikes next week with
the CBS series premieres of Kate Brasher and Some
of My Best Friends. Fortunately, theres also a new episode
of Survivor, and our sources tell us that its going
to be one of the best everfilled with horrifying,
brutal tragedy!
The terrifying incident occurs in the Kucha camp when Michael, worried
that his leadership mantle is slipping, attempts to skin
a crocodile alive. The croc snaps at him and he accuses the reptile
of being too theatrical,
though not as annoying as Kimmi. The situation
seems under control until Alicia decides to help Michael out with
her finely-honed motivational skills. When
Michael tries to warn Alicia about taunting the carnivorous beast,
she screams, I will always wave my finger in the crocodiles
face! At which point the croc removes Alicias finger down
to the elbow.
Thinking quickly, Michael anoints
himself with Alicias blood and intones, Praise be to almighty
Baal for granting me dominion over Kucha. Then he yells for
help. What happened? Jeff asks. I totally
missed it! With Alicia rapidly losing
blood, Jeff Probst arrives to remind the tribe that, as hed
told them at the previous weeks M*A*S*H challenge, in the event
of a medical emergency they must take care of the victim themselves,
so Kucha straps Alicia to a travois and rushes off to treat her gaping
wounds with old-fashioned bottles of disinfectant
and mercurochrome.
But insult is added to injury when Ogakor
beats Kucha to the triage tent and wins the first aid kit, as well
as toiletries from Target, new Reeboks and a Pontiac Aztek, which
they scrap for parts. Ironically, this turn of events leads
to a second tragedy after Amber gets
some of the shampoo in her eyes and begins crying hysterically. Why couldnt
they have given us No More Tears, she weeps. Colby puts his
arm around her and whispers, Thats okay, baby, you just
tell your problems to the Colbster, causing Jerri to hiss
at him and slither off into the river. Just then Jeff dashes in from
the Kucha camp. Whats going on? he asks. I
totally missed it! There was a
little fire in my woolly!
As the crises ease, everyday troubles arise again. At Kucha, Rodger stops bathing,
declaring that its not fun anymore now that Kimmis
not here to vigorously lather
up her bikini top. Hes beginning to develop
a dirt
line, Michael grumbles,
wiping a booger from his nose. At Ogakor, Keith
and Jerri go at it again when Jerri orders Keith to bury more fish and
then say Kaddish for them.
Suddenly, disaster strikes
again! To everyones shock, a helicopter lands and out steps Kimmi,
passing out subpoenas and announcing that shes joined Stacy
Stillmans suit against Mark Burnett. I
will not be treated like a jerk-awf! she
brays. Then Mitchell shows up announcing that hes also suing,
claiming that if Burnett hadnt delayed the maze challenge until
after hed been booted off, he could have won just by looking
over the walls. Finally, Kel appears with members
of the PETA and alleges that Burnett
untentionally drugged him, separated him from his pack and herded
him into Jerris
clutches. What did they
say? Jeff asks. I
totally missed it again!
At the next Tribal Council, two more tragedies strike! First, Eduardo sprains an ankle attempting a new Samba move.
Then a flash thunderstorm leaves Jeff Probst thoroughly
soaked, and his clinging, see-through khakis cause TV sets across
the country to explode.