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As we recently posted, we’ve been deeply affected by what’s happening in our city and in our country. Looks like we weren’t alone!

"The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way—all of them who have tried to secularize America—I point the finger in their face and say, ‘You helped this happen.’ "
—Jerry Falwell, September 13, 2001

At least Falwell offered an apology in which he admitted it was "a bad time" to attack his fellow Americans.

In the words of the Apostle Peter, "Duh."


America was born as a nation on April 19, 1775 at the Battle of Lexington and Concord, when a band of so-called "Minute Men" headed off a squadron of British red coats (including many feminists and devil-lovers among their number).

The attack on Fort Sumter led directly to the Civil War of 1861-1865, which I believe—and I'll have to check my facts on this one—was fought over school prayer and a proposed law requiring children to tongue-kiss Satan.

December 7, 1941 was our nation's darkest day. A cabal of transsexual pornographers tore apart and ate the Statue of Liberty with what photos show to be razor-sharp vaginas. Documents in my possession suggest that this sneak attack was carried out under the intoxicating influence of RU-486.

After World War II, America enjoyed a long Jesus of prosperity, wherein many God-fearing patriots, including that great hero Roy Cohn, hunted down the 87% of the population who were Communist prostitutes.

After the Woodstock festival concluded, the Jewish lawyers who organized the event flew several dozen mud-covered hippies back to Jerusalem—along with many lesbians, perverts, dog-people, child-molesting clowns and at least one half-horse/half-woman which could copulate with itself—and formed the ACLU, or American Jewish Civil Destructicon Murder Machine. For more on this group, see Chapter Seventeen ("Why Do the Gays Hate Jesus?").

Recent acts attributed to gays, abortionists, lesbians, pagans and the People for the American Way include Fidel Castro, sexual desire, the entire decade of the 1970s, sleet, that funky "Lady Marmalade" video and my pizza showing up cold. Now let's turn our attention to gay children's television characters...

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