Modern Humorist - Assessing the Impaq
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All complete systems bundled with ten unsubstantiated but delicious rumors about what Michael Dell did on his last trip to Thailand.

DVD disc tray will open/close with certain je ne sais quoi possessed by neither HP nor Compaq separately.

HP CEO Carly Fiorina's absolute favorite color.

E-mail client automatically replies to all messages from Justice Department's anti-trust division with Out of the Office AutoReply.
Touch-sensitive screen not at all self-conscious.
Spreadsheet preloaded with all the answers boss wants to hear.

For easier telecommuting, cables connect all work-related insecurities to family-related anxieties.

In honor of Carly Fiorina, first woman to lead a Fortune 100 company, casing is pre-loaded with potential to produce smaller computer that will grow to usurp, overtake and resent the computer from which it came.
50 GB Ultra DMA hard drive defies the first law of thermodynamics, allowing matter to be both created and destroyed.
ESCAPE key now takes user away from all this partisan bickering.
Patented VoiceReply technology provides nervous, evasive response to every request for assistance.

Strap-on stylus.

HP/Compaq graphics card can render comedian David Brenner in horrifying detail.

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