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ALL OF THE FOLLOWING quotes come from Roger Ebert’s reviews in the Chicago Sun-Times, or from Mark Rivers’ reviews on the Vanguard News Network, a white supremacist Web site.

Ebert: "'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' is a red-blooded adventure movie, dripping with atmosphere, filled with the gruesome and the sublime, and surprisingly faithful to the novel. It’s an enchanting classic that does full justice to a story that was a daunting challenge."

Rivers: "'Harry Potter' is the best movie of the year (and you know I'm not one given to superlatives). There are a few negroes within, but they are very obviously just part of the backdrop, and contribute little to the film. There are also no obvious Jew names associated with this movie. 'Harry Potter' is family fun without the onslaught of Jew brainwashing. Take your kids to see it, then join the National Alliance."

Ebert: "'Gosford Park' is the kind of generous, sardonic, deeply layered movie that Robert Altman has made his own. As a director he has never been willing to settle for plot; he is much more interested in character and situation."

Rivers: "Jew Bob Balaban co-wrote and stars in 'Gosford Park.' There are no non-Whites in the film, and the Jew's presence (as an American fag filmmaker) serves more or less as a Greek chorus. If you like, go see 'Gosford Park'; The jabs at snooty English society are not so much anti-White as they are anti-snob, so overall, it's not too shabby."

Ebert: "The Nobel Prize winner John Forbes Nash Jr. still teaches at Princeton, and walks to campus every day. That these commonplace statements nearly brought tears to my eyes suggests the power of 'A Beautiful Mind,' the story of a man who is one of the greatest mathematicians, and a victim of schizophrenia."

Rivers: "Nash turned fag in the 1950's, and this was not mentioned in the movie at all. The fag coalition is up in arms about it, saying that 'racist, homophobic' White Hollywood has once again suppressed the healthy, wholesome and normal act of fudgepacking. Although the film is almost completely negro-free, it is not one I would recommend you pay seven or eight dollars to see."

Ebert: '''Monsters, Inc.' once again shows off Pixar’s remarkable computer-aided animation, which creates an uncanny sense of dimension and movement."

Rivers: "I won't give away too much of the movie, because I am going to recommend it, despite its unavoidable presence of Jews and negroes. Much of the humor was superb, and the kid was cute as a button. There were a couple of jabs directed toward Southerners, but not enough to hypnotize the kids into hating them. Go see it if you like. If you really want to make a difference, though, do something more: Join the National Alliance."

Ebert: "Only enormously talented people could have made 'Death to Smoochy.' Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience."

Rivers: "'Death to Smoochy' has a lot of good stuff in it. The film is full of brain-spinning visuals, punchy one-liners and the kind of morbid humor we've come to expect from Danny DeVito, who, although married to Jewess Rhea Perlman, is not a Jew. The movie never has a dull moment. BUT...if you decide to see 'Death to Smoochy,' bear in mind that at one point, there is a scene that shows Neo-Nazis in a negative light."

Ebert: "There is a belief among some black comics that audiences find it funny when they launch extended insults against white people. Accusing complete strangers of being racist is aggressive, hostile, and not funny, something Chris Tucker demonstrates to a painful degree in 'Rush Hour 2.'"

Rivers: "Brett Ratner, the Jew director of 'Rush Hour 2,' has been quoted as saying, 'There's no difference between a tacky Jew from Miami and a rap star. They both want the Cadillac and the Rolex with the diamonds.' Well, at least he's honest. He just left out the part about the Jews' favorite pastime: making movies like 'Rush Hour 2.'"

Ebert: "'America's Sweethearts' recycles 'Singin' in the Rain' but lacks the sassy genius of that 1952 musical, which is still the best comedy ever made about Hollywood."

Rivers: "Although the movie makes fun of Hollywood Jews, it never comes right out and says, 'Jews are bloodsucking monsters whose ultimate goal is the destruction of the White race.' That's okay, though; I don't mind saying it."

Rivers: "Whites are fair game to the Jews in Hollywood; that's why a movie like 'Legally Blonde' can exist, but a movie called 'Dumb-ass Negroes' cannot."

Ebert: "Despite the title and the implications in the ads, this is a movie about smart blonds, not dumb ones, and she is using her encyclopedic knowledge of fashion to disguise her penetrating intelligence."

Rivers: "I liked the fact that they at least made her intelligent; that her brain got her out of more jams than her boobs. But it's not worth your time or money. Read a book instead. Improve your mind instead of contributing to the Jew hypno-machine for 90 more minutes."

Ebert: "'Lara Croft Tomb Raider' elevates goofiness to an art form. This is, at last, a real popcorn movie."

Rivers: "Angelina Jolie, in the title role, has quite a rack—I mean knack—for playing tough gals, though never in recent mammary has she played one with such busto. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Angelina were offered a Shakespearean role next. She can provide her own balcony, after all. Okay, I'm done. There are but a few Jews at the helm of this movie; most notably, producers Bobby KLEIN and Lloyd LEVIN. Well, it just wouldn't be a Hollywood production without them, would it?"

Ebert: "We’ll see you next time on ‘At the Movies.’ Until then, the balcony is closed."

Rivers: "To Jews."

Thanks to Kevin Guilfoile for this idea.

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More movie humor:
MH at the Movies

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OK, I Did it Again
First Draft: The Empire Strikes Back

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