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Star Wars: Episode II
Attack of the Clones
Thankfully, George Lucas has relegated racial caricature Jar Jar Binks to the background, in order to focus on the new computer-generated character, Sho Nuff Puff.
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About A Boy
This film is going head to head with "Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones." That's like an X-Wing fighter taking on an Imperial Battle Cruiser. Or a couple of Jawas fighting Boba Fett. Or a modestly-budgeted Hugh Grant romantic comedy going up against "Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones."
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The Importance of Being Earnest
Jim Varney returns posthumously in the final "Earnest" film, in which he finds a magic amulet that allows him to travel back to turn-of-the-century London.
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Enough
Yes, we agree. We too have had just about enough of reviews of this movie that make fun of its title.
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Insomnia
Hey Al Pacino, I've got the cure for your insomnia: Watch your stupid movie!
—Sincerely, a stand-up comic
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The Sum of All Fears
The world's fate is in the hands of Ben Affleck—and he's had so much Jägermeister, his head's expanded to the size of a watermelon.
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Bad Company
CIA operative Paul Rodgers is suave, brilliant and on the verge of completing a top-secret mission to keep a rogue British arena-rock outfit off the black market when he is suddenly killed. With the clock ticking and no other options available, the CIA reluctantly enlists Thin Lizzy’s Brian Downey to take his place. Bachman-Turner Overdrive throws a monkey wrench into the works when it starts TCB—and taking names!
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Scooby Doo
This action-adventure story features an ungainly, pusillanimous Great Dane with a severe speech impediment who solves mysteries involving monsters, ghosts and other supernatural phenomena. Ha! Everyone knows Great Danes speak with impeccable diction.
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Windtalkers
Nicholas Cage stars in this World War II drama as a Marine assigned to protect a Navajo Indian codebreaker. Cage did extensive research for the film on a Navajo reservation, whose residents dubbed him "Dances With Career Suicide."
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Divine Secrets of the
Ya Ya Sisterhood
What "divine secrets" are stars Ashley Judd and Sandra Bullock hiding in their "ya-yas"? The location of Atlantis? The cure for sciatica?
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Minority Report
African Americans: Did well at the Oscars, still prone to racial stereotyping in media. "Undercover Brother" not likely to help.
Latinos: Music explosion over, John Leguizamo to spearhead comedy explosion.
American Indians: Winona Laduke still embraced by Green party. Casinos profitable.
Arab-Americans: White America slowly understanding that Qu’ran is not Superman’s dad.
Jews: Still run everything. |
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Lilo and Stitch
Stitch is a sort of koala, Welsh corgi, alien, bat thing who befriends Lilo, a Hawaiian kid. Apparently "The Jungle Book," "Aladdin" and "Mulan" had covered every major anthropological group except Pacific/Polynesian and koala/Welsh/alien/bat. |
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The Bourne Identity
Matt Damon stars as a man trying to figure out why Ben Affleck got cast in "The Sum of All Fears" and he didn't. |
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Mr. Deeds
Adam Sandler's latest is a remake of the Gary Cooper classic “Mr. Deeds Goes To Town.” The studio wanted to keep the original title but Sandler objected on the grounds that any title longer than two words would likely confuse and agitate his fanbase, resulting in nationwide rioting.
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