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MODERN HUMORIST wishes to offer you some time-tested Knock Knock Jokes. Be careful though, or ya' might bust a gut and bleed through your jeans!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shithead who?
That's my name. Shithead.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Janice Peters?
Do you know Mike Liebowitz?
We went to high school together.
Small world.
No kidding.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
As who?

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Knock, knock.
Who's there? (Pause.) Damn kids. (Returns to couch.)
Knock, knock.
What the heck? (Cocks rifle, opens door.)
(Twig cracks.)
Anyone out there? Look, whoever you are, this ain't funny.
(Steps off porch into moonlit yard. Sounds from television fade. Notices cat and puts down gun.)
Oh, looky here. Whatcha doin' out so late, litta fella?
(Bushes rustle. Axe swings.)
Interior - Day
Riverdale High School - Mrs. Biddle's Homeroom Class. MANDY, JOHNNY, and GREG talk in hushed tones, waiting for class to begin.
Mandy: Did you hear what happened last night at the old Jones place?

Steve, a young man - pensive, he's seen the world, perhaps too much of it
Boo Hoo - a woman, age indeterminate, dressed in rags
(The furnishings are minimal. A chair, coffee table, perhaps an Ansel Adams print. At center stage, there is a door. The light should remain dim with a scrim backlit in red or dark blue. City noise. Steve is reading the paper, like he does everyday after work.)
Boo Hoo: (Approaches door, graceful in her squalor.) Knock, knock.
Steve: (After pause, looks up from paper.) Who's there?
Boo Hoo: (whispering) Boo.
Steve: (Suddenly frightened; or excited. We can' tell.) Boo... who?
Boo Hoo: (quietly dignified) Why are you so sad?
(Steve rises from his chair, throws open door. The two regard each other solemnly. Cautiously, they approach. Touching hands, they embrace as the lights dim and Ella Fitzgerald filters through the speakers.)

More Knock Knock Jokes:
Who Dat?

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Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.