Modern Humorist - 4-5 Discs to Rule Them All
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LEGEND TELLS of a motion picture distribution company and its golden franchise. In order to finance their many goodly pursuits ("Jason X," "Friday After Next"), they make frequent trips to the well of the Hobbit. Thus, the umpteenth "collector's edition" of "The Fellowship of the Ring" on DVD. What treasures do these new magic discs hold?

Commentary by director Peter Jackson, co-writers Frances Walsh and Philippa Boyens, director of photography Andrew Lesnie and star Elijah Wood.

Additional hidden commentary track by second unit assistant director Simon Warnock, foam technician Ray Massa, assistant to Liv Tyler Kate Jones, Michael Deluca's former coke dealer Jason Spinoza, some European guy who once bought one of Viggo Mortensen's paintings and Sean Astin.

Page-to-screen comparisons.

Pages of Hampshire College Junior Chad Meyers' Comparative Lit essay on "Drug References in Middle Earth"-to-screen comparison.

Deleted Scenes:
- The famous "ear cutting" scene between Michael Madsen and Legolas Greenleaf
- Nesnetrom Oggiv reveals that he is actually Viggo Mortensen backwards
- Confrontation between Gimli, Son of Gloin (John Rhys-Davies), and Alec Baldwin (Alec Baldwin)
- The Silmarillion (running time: 3 hrs, 49 minutes)

Easter Egg 1: Bonus trailer for "The Two Towers."
Easter Egg 2: Bonus trailer for New Line's 1994 Luke Perry rodeo vehicle "8 Seconds."

Disk featuring scenes from the upcoming "Orcs Gone Wild" video (with some of the hottest Orc-on-Balrog action ever).

A blank disk (CD-RW).

Bonus Music Videos: Enya's Oscar-nominated "May it Be" and Leonard Nimoy's public humiliation "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins."

Favorite lamb recipes of the Dark Lord Sauron.

Detailed maps of Middle Earth including driving directions from two-dollar theater in Enedwaith to supermarket in the Iron Hills.

Never-before-seen footage of Gandalf the Grey freezing self in block of ice in midtown Manhattan.

Hour of footage of water going down drain clockwise.

Ability to change angle, seeing entire climactic battle sequence from position of a morally relativist pacifist.

Josh Greenman, Nick Nadel and Jason Weiner

More humor for fanboys
aficionados of speculative fiction:
The LOTR Holiday Special
Good Lord of the Rings!

Star Saga

The Ultimate Harry Potter Guide
Speaking Truth to Superpowers

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