LAST SUMMER, the LA Lakers’ center Shaquille O'Neal used mock-Chinese to disparage the up-and-coming 7-foot-5 rookie center of the Houston Rockets, Yao Ming. Quote: "Tell Yao Ming, 'Ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-so.'" Unbeknownst to Shaq, he actually said quite a bit in various Chinese dialects.
|
|
|
Mandarin ("standard" dialect, AKA Putonghua, Guoyu)
"[untranslatable curse] [untranslatable] frappuccino [idiomatic expression for sexual longing] [untranslatable, something like German 'Gemütlichkeit']."
|
|
|
Cantonese (Guangdong and Guangxi)
"Reification cat-geraniums christening benign mélange."
|
|
|
Wu dialects (Shanghai, Yao's own dialect)
"The policeman's beard [is] half-constructed."
|
|
|
Ping dialects (Guangxi province)
"I have gorged myself on Whoppers and Nestle Crunch Bars."
|
|
|
Kejia dialects, also called "Hakka"
"I make a travesty of the sport of basketball by throwing my massive bulk around instead of using skill and finesse."
|
|
|
Ningbo dialect (Ningbo, also a Wu dialect)
"I selfishly delayed my toe surgery until September and allowed my team to sink into a deep hole."
|
|
|
Min dialects (Fujian, Taiwan)
"Did you hear I called the Sacramento team ‘The Queens’?"
|
|
|
Chaozhou dialect (Chaozhou, northern Guangdong province)
"It's okay to insult Asians, but at the same time I try to hide my recent conversion to Islam because I fear anti-Muslim sentiment will jeopardize my lucrative clowning for Burger King and other consumer brands."
|
|
|
Xiang dialects (Hunan province)
"Have you seen 'Steel' or 'Kazaam'? Why not?"
|
|
|
Hangzhou (Hangzhou, Zhejiang province)
"Can't all monstrous freaks of nature just get along?"
|
