|Dear Country Mouse
Hi hi hi! Sorry I wasnt here to receive you last night, I was out late, but when I came in I heard the doorman say hed seen a mouse, so I figured it might be you, and I notice your little torn, sodden handkerchief of goods here in the foyer, by the hole. I had some squirrel clients in from out of town, and they insisted on going to Central Park to beg pizza crusts till all hours. Theyre thinking of burying some nuts indoors for a change, maybe in the floorboards here, and I want a piece of the action. Anyway, work disguised as fun! No, no, I complain, but I love my job. It sure beats that little wheel I used to run around on. And now I can travel.
Also, also, Im also sorry Ill miss you this morning. I have an early meeting. Were thinking of opening a branch office behind the stove and I have to meet with the developers to see if prolonged exposure to the heat is an insurance risk. Then we have to see if theres a way to keep the cat from sleeping back there. Im on a committee thats trying to solve the cat entirely, but its hard without funding. Im up to here in feasibility studies you dont have to deal with those on the farm, do you? Anyway, I shouldnt complain. Im not in the trap yet, and I see so many delicious things every day, and squeak, squeak, you know busy all the time! Like, later Im looking at some co-op garbage Im thinking of gnawing at. I have to try to find some water today, too. There used to be a leaky pipe in here but they turned off the water downstairs after the tenants there were killed. Naturally the murderer spared their cat! How sick is that?
Anyway, make yourself at home. Theres some coffee cake in the bread drawer, but youll have trouble getting to it. If you can make it to the refrigerator and the door happens to have been left open theyre both drunks and they have a perpetually stoned teenager theres some unwrapped foie gras thats just about to turn, and some cheese, which I know you like.
Also, theres some diet cola in there. I love it! I love it! I was introduced to it at this charming little lab I discovered downtown at NYU. Its delicious, good and so sweet. Sweet sweet sweet and you dont get groggy, you can still run from the cat.
As far as the cat downstairs, I dont know. Its a killer and the authorities cant seem to do a thing about it. A bell would help, something. I think of you sleeping in the sun in that quiet old abandoned barn, and I actually envy Anyway, here I am going on and on and I have to get out of here. I dont mind admitting sometimes I get a little scared to go out that door, and I use any old excuse to keep myself safe in my hole for as long as possible. Not that writing this note isnt a worthwhile task! Im happy to have you here! Ill be glad to have a decoy, I mean, a friend, to do the town with.
Theres Eek! a fabulous new mouse spot, well go! Its very wild, all the mice try to have sex with each other in the middle of the kitchen floor before the cat gets them. It starts very late, like three a.m. Its scary, but theres the thrill. If I can, Ill bring back some glue or bread crusts. Doesnt that pie on the counter look good? Too bad its got that glass cover. Hope the police sirens dont wake you! And just one tourist tip: Be careful not to make any noise anytime, ever, or to let yourself be seen, it may cause trouble.
By the way, I wont be in till late tonight. Ive taken on a little extra job, testing cigarettes for some people working out of a lab up at Columbia. Its funny, I never smoked as a kid, now I cant get enough of the stuff! I love it! I love it!
Secretly desperate,City Mouse