Hi there, UPN viewer. Or, more optimistically, UPN viewers!
But I jest.
We at UPN know that hit shows are built one audience member at a time. So we make sure that all of our shows appeal specifically to you, our most valued viewer: the urban black male who likes pro wrestling and science fiction. Our studies indicate you may be named "Allan."
Allan, we think you'll like this season at UPN. And I'll level with you. One of our parent companies just got bought. Our fat's really in the fire now. The numbers indicate you might not go for "Shasta McNasty" and that you hate "7 Days." We convinced several people at Pepsi, GM, and Sega that you'd watch anyway. Please don't make us look like liars.
Thanks, Allan. I got your back.
Countess Vaughn and Mo'Nique. We figured, what the hell.
Special Episode: "Finals" The exam is coming up, and Mo'Nique has not been going to lectures. Can her brash style of humor get her out of this fix? Yes.
We are proud to add another African-American sitcom to television, and we will air it until the Man pulls the plug.
Jaleel White stars in this comedy about a handsome twentysomething who attempts to find love and a career after years playing an embarrassing character on another network.
Special Episode: "Issues" Because it's written in his contract, Jaleel gets to spend the entire 12 minutes beating somebody up and 10 minutes displaying his surprisingly buff physique.
This is a desperate attempt to diversify Jaleel's list of credits.
Being a rapper is "mad crazy." Being a white rapper is madder crazy. UPN is proud to hail Shasta McNasty as, truly, the first show to plumb the cultural depths of the Vanilla Ice phenomenon.
Special Episode: "You Are Whack, Mr. McNasty" The group learns their VH1 Behind the Music special is already in production.
Diverse individuals are united for the sake of barely comprehensible plots and almost unprintable punch lines.
On her 18th birthday, Ashley Stevens's mother told her, "The only way out of Petunkie, PA, is to dance your way out and I don't mean Martha Graham." Ashley headed straight for the classiest joint on the strip: Beaver Dam. It's more fun than she bargained for a colorful tableau of skanky meth heads and the lovable but thrifty middle-aged johns they ply all night with pole dances.
Special Episode: "Ladies Night" Ashley reveals her occupation to a new beau. "Try to focus less on the 'exotic' and more on the 'dancing.'"
As any strip club must, Beaver Dam employs girls of every ethnicity to appeal to the broadest customer base.
Wrestling jumps from cable to broadcast TV with this two-hour slamfest! Parents can be assured, though, of the program's educational, non-violent content. When Diamond Dallas Page hits The Undertaker in the head with a flaming folding chair, the dire consequences (Diamond Dallas eventually loses the match) will scare any child from trying the same thing at home.
Special Episode: A masked midget bites Chyna on the butt, and her jugs pop right out. It's blurry, but you can totally see them.
Who IS that masked midget?
No modem or plug-ins required to watch these experimental films! Movies include:
"Adobe Photoshop 5.5 interface demo"
"Which Lexmark printer is right for your business?"
This sitcom, set just after WW II, takes a hilarious look at J. Edgar Hoover's secret dalliances in transvestitism and homosexuality.
The second this canceled CBS comedy about Pilgrims becomes available, we're so there.
(Originally developed as "House Guests" starring Rob Morrow)
Dhamitha is the sexiest Sri Lankan sports columnist in New York. But after he adopts his orphaned nephew and moves into a co-op haunted by the ghost of Andy Warhol, can even Dhamitha be a hit with the ladies?
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