I made new friends who share my interest in

  • the marriage tax penalty
  • school prayer
  • private investments in Social Security
  • collecting antique guns
  • the servant problem
  • secret transvestism.

I exchanged cards with

  • 20,000
  • 25,000
  • 30,000
  • 35,000

property-owning white businessmen earning more than $100,000 per year.

I met

  • One
  • Two
  • Three

black delegates. Their names were

  • Cynthia Stevens
  • Marcus Jefferson
  • William Russell

I learned the most about

  • our party's platform
  • General Motors
  • Bell Atlantic
  • Phillip Morris
  • the showgirls at the Dangerous Curves gentleman's club

My favorite part of the convention was

  • George W. Bush's speech
  • George W. Bush's speech
  • George W. Bush's speech
  • George W. Bush's speech
  • the Lighted Boat Parade and Fireworks

The best event, besides George W. Bush's speech, was

  • John McCain's book signing
  • the Blues Traveler concert
  • Midwest Young Republicans Happy Hour
  • the Lighted Boat Parade and Fireworks
  • the tragic mishap involving protestors dressed as sea turtles at the Lighted Boat Parade and Fireworks

  • CINDI blonde, 36D, smokin' figure, believes abortion is murder
  • MICHELLA redhead, 34D, hotter than hot, supports a Constitutional amendment to return prayer to our schools
  • SUZIE Asian (need we say more?), feels a certain connection with Steve Forbes' flat tax plan, but understands that the voters aren't ready for it yet

Disclaimer: The exhibits in the museum related to the origins of the human race and the beginnings of the universe reflect the opinions of the scientists whose work they document, and not the opinions of the staff and board of the Franklin Institute Science Museum. These exhibits may be disturbing or offensive to visitors associated with the Republican Party.

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