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If you think this is just an empty campaign slogan, you don't know Al Gore and the meticulous lists he keeps of everything except fundraisers.

Seth Powell, sophomore, Great Lakes University, Michigan: Gore will write Seth's term paper on "Middlemarch" for him.
Michael Reston, 31, fan of "Freaks and Geeks," Portland, OR: Gore will introduce a rider to the Endangered Species Act which defines certain television shows as endangered species and calls for their protection.
Andrew Tarnopolos, 43, office manager at Brimko: Gore will fix all paper jams AND replace the toner.
Donna Martuzzi, 15, Landing, NE: Gore will sign Anti-Donna Martuzzi-Bias Act which makes it a crime to be biased against Donna Martuzzi, which some people are because they’re jealous of her.
Will Shortz, New York Times crossword editor: Gore will get a dog and name him "RGP."
Edna Pesch, 73, Lansing, MI: Gore understands the humiliation suffered by Edna when she and Meg play euchre at the Westside Community Center against Tanya and Angelo. Whenever they are about to win, Tanya always locks her hands together to approximate a "cow" and Angelo "milks" it, to indicate that they are in the "barn." The next time this happens, Al will visit the Westside Community Center and slug Tanya in the stomach.
That crying Indian from the pollution ad: Gore will pick up the can.
Barbra Streisand: Gore will sign the Farewell Tour Relief Act, which will require the government to match expenses for any farewell concert or tour.
Billy Thompson, 15, Lawrencetown, GA: The next time Butch Williams calls Billy a fag, Gore will enumerate all of the qualities that prove Billy's heterosexuality.
Ants: Gore will begin Strategic Magnifying Glass Limitations Talks with a delegation of third-graders.
Carly Simon: Through combination of tax credits and executive orders, Gore will resuscitate the American demand for mature, meaningful pop.
Timmy Sullivan, 6, Paramus, NJ: Gore will sign an executive order prohibiting monsters from hiding under beds.
Karenna Gore Schiff: Gore will side with Karenna in all disputes between her and other family members.
Harry Potter: For magical children who are underserved by the public schools, Gore will endorse the Hogwarts Vouchers Program.
Cher: Gore will support HL 475b, creating a $500 tax credit for the belief of life after love.
Mutants: Gore will veto all Mutant Registration Acts.
Joshua Holmes, Walton, NH, who is irritated by barking of neighbors’ chihuahua: Gore will declare war on Mexico.

A Warm Welcome from
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Gore Will Fight for All People—
The Definitive List
Staples Center Floor Plan
Convention Highlights

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