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Fall Schedules: ABC | CBS | NBC | FOX | WB | UPN | CABLE

Saturday, 8:00 p.m.
In this reality show, a woman has to work at a job that pays the bills but isn't very glamorous. She competes with others for money and rewards, and every six years she gets to vote for a state senator.

Tuesday, 8:00 p.m.
Fourteen people who have never seen "Survivor" are confined to a house with no access to the outside world save a constant feed of all thirteen episodes of "Survivor." Fireworks guaranteed! Ian is accused of sexism after he defends Joel's behavior; Donna thinks Richard is hot.

Tuesday, 11 p.m.
Broadcast immediately following "Judging Amy," which stars Amy Brenneman. Our cameras are there live as a jury of her peers decides just how Brenneman should be punished for her role as producer and star of the preceding hour of television.

8 p.m. Thursday to 8 p.m. Saturday
Yup, you'll get all 48 hours, each and every one of them.

8 p.m. Saturday to 8 p.m. Monday
This newsmagazine focuses solely on the controversial and all too common practice of freeing convicted felons from jail to help with police work.

Monday, 8:00 p.m.
Thrown together to run a bed and breakfast in Provincetown, sixteen real-life effeminate gay men spend three limp-wristed months putting on drag shows and arguing over napkin rings. Each week, one faerie queene is voted out in a bitchy shriekfest, and at the end of the season, the surviving nancy boy wins a lifetime membership at Elizabeth Arden.

Sunday, 9:00 p.m.
This companion program to America's original reality show focuses entirely on police responses to disturbances in the "Big Brother" house.

Monday-Friday, 4:00 p.m.
Same show, new name.

Monday, 9:30 p.m.
Every Monday night, eleven million viewers watch Ray Romano, but did you know that Ray Romano is watching us, ALL THE TIME? Turn the tables, America!

Wednesday, 8:00 p.m.
Bette Midler's career has never had more buzz, except when it started and during the prepublicity on "For the Boys." Now she brings her sass and moxie to this sitcom in which she plays... Bette Midler! To the millions of television viewers who have been asking "Where is the sitcom for me—the average American who wants to know what Bette Midler's home life is like?" this show is the answer.

Wednesday, 9:00 p.m.
When small-town midwestern weatherman Jim Gaffigan relocates to Manhattan, he soon finds out that New Yorkers are very different from the sort of people he's used to—they walk faster, ride subways and work in taller buildings. Talk about exotic! In the hilarious debut episode, Jim snaps at a waitress for offering him crazy-sounding beverages like "ex-press-hoh" when he asks for a plain old cup of coffee. He makes amends by giving her some wheat.

Monday, 9:00 p.m.
This show goes beyond reality as television's most talented writers and casting agents recreate the drama of "Survivor." Starring Michael J. Fox (Rich), Justine Bateman (Kelly), Tina Yothers (Sue), Michael Gross (Rudy), Meredith Baxter (Gervase) and Skippy (Colleen).

Monday, 8:30 p.m.
I promise I'll be home by 9, just as soon as we go off the air....Of course I'll put out the recycling. When have I ever forgotten to put out the recycling?

Friday, 9:00 p.m.
If your body is ever the dead one at a crime scene, you'll want the Crime Scene Investigators on your case, or you would if dead people had volition, which remains unproven. But if anyone could prove it, the C.S.I. could, because they're the kind of people who can look at a piece of lint at a crime scene and immediately know that the killer works part-time in a laundromat on Sixth Street, so you can imagine how insufferable they are to be around. Starring people who can raise one eyebrow at a time.

Friday, 8:00 p.m.
You loved the TV series! You flocked to the movie! Now, get ready for the...TV series, again! This time with Tim Daly! You know, the guy from "Wings"! No, not the quirky Italian guy—the pilot!

Saturday, 10:00 p.m.
Jack Mannion (Craig T. Nelson), the new police commissioner of Washington, D.C., has selected the best officers he can find and forged them into a crack crime-fighting unit of modern-day Untouchables. But trouble starts when some of the rejected officers start to resent the unit's sacred cows, their worship of Ganesh and the way that all contact with the Untouchables is defiling—even contact with one of their shadows. Although they're effective at fighting crime, sometimes it seems that they're taking flak from every side—the Brahmin press, the Sudra criminals and the Vaisia, who are the businessman caste. For more on this topic, click here.

Sunday, 8:00 p.m.
Emmanuel Lewis returns to TV as Texas Ranger Webster Walker, a man who will stop at nothing to bring a criminal to justice. You'll see him crawl into tight spaces that no other crime fighter could get into and go undercover to bust a Pokémon trading card ring. Alex Karras rejoins Webster as his sidekick, Mongo, the biggest, strongest law-enforcing retard in the west.


SARA, 28, Queens, NY
A member of the Palestinian advocacy group Hamas, this model-beautiful chemical engineer is willing to do whatever it takes to bring home $1 million for The Cause. She's also looking forward to seeing her first kangaroo.

JOHN, 53, Butte, Montana
OUTDOORSMAN A Vietnam vet and decorated Green Beret, John’s spent the last ten years alternately running a survival school and being hospitalized for various psychiatric disorders.

DOUG, 28, Palo Alto, CA
A nine-time winner of the Ironman triathalon, Doug also designs his own line of customized running briefs. "I will wield tiny shorts the way Rich used fish."

VIVIONNE, 29, Reno, NV
Vivionne joins "Survivor 2" fresh from a tour as one of Diana Ross’ new original Surpremes. Until now her outdoor experience has been limited to performing at the Hollywood Bowl.

TOBY, 25, New York, NY
Toby describes himself as "argumentative and dumb as a post." He predicts he'll be the next Sue.

KAY, 37, Wichita Falls, TX
Kay has two loves: Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and her cat, Harley. She’s hoping a million dollars plus television celebrity will bring her a third love, late-night bandleader Paul Shaffer.

PAUL, 60
Paul describes himself as "G'day, mate!" He has recently worked on a series of Suburu Outback commercials and lives in L.A. and Australia with his much younger wife, for whom he divorced an old, fat wife.

IAN, 17, State College, PA
Ian brings a swimmer's body to the "Survivor 2" tribe and thinks he will sweep the immunity challenges, thanks to his top-notch condition and size 17 feet.

DAWN, 22, Torrance, CA
How can you not root for a girl with the word "DAMAGED" tattooed on her ass?

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Fall Schedules: ABC | CBS | NBC | FOX | WB | UPN | CABLE
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