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Scan the landscape in all directions. Look for a child or animal standing next to you who could be used to absorb the blame.

If there are no children or animals
, turn your head sharply and look pointedly at the adult nearest you.

When the elevator stops, tuck in your head and your arms and legs and leap out of the door. Tuck and roll when you hit the ground. Get out of the building as quickly as possible.

Be prepared for this situation in the future by always wearing appropriate gear when entering a closed environment such as an elevator. This may include gas mask, gloves, protective pants, shirts, jackets, and boots.


Worst-Case Scenarios:
Fart in crowded elevator
Significant other rents "Forrest Gump"
Photo posted on "Am I Hot or Not?"
Heart broken by bastard/bitch
Poppy seed in teeth in social setting

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