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Try to escape using any routes possible
such as a pretense of illness or a forgotten appointment.

If trapped, don't panic.
Fear causes a faster breathing rate which uses up oxygen quickly–oxygen you will need to drown out the movie’s dialogue.

Cover your face, especially the eye and ear area, with a scarf dampened with water or vinegar. If your hands are free, use them to cover your ears firmly. Chant rhythmic nonsense syllables at a moderate volume.

After 142 minutes, it should be safe to check the television screen.
If you still see or hear any signs of the movie (for example, a reference to a box of chocolates), re-assume the protective position described above.

If your significant other thinks that "Forrest Gump" is a great movie, IMMEDIATELY leave the vicinity with all your belongings. Do not return for valuables or forgotten items.


Cover your face
with a scarf dampened with vinegar.

Worst-Case Scenarios:
Fart in crowded elevator
Significant other rents "Forrest Gump"
Photo posted on "Am I Hot or Not?"
Heart broken by bastard/bitch
Poppy seed in teeth in social setting

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Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.