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Fall Schedules: NBC | CBS | ABC | FOX | WB | UPN

On his hugely popular Food Network shows, Emeril Lagasse has several folksy catch phrases that are always greeted by whoops and hollers from his devoted audience:

"Kick it up a notch!"
"Talk about good!"
"Happy happy!"

Mr. Lagasse is not without a certain natural charm, but as he is neither a trained actor nor a comedian, we have decided that his dialogue on this sitcom will be limited to these four phrases.

Former "Law & Order" star Jill Hennessy wants you to know that her new show "Crossing Jordan" is NOT a "Law & Order" spinoff. "I play a medical examiner who solves crimes," she explains. "This show is a radical departure for me. In each episode, you’ll get the satisfaction of seeing how detectives and the district attorney’s office work together to gather evidence, arrest suspects and prosecute cases." Case closed, Jill!

Filmed on the set of the hit NBC show "Law & Order," "Law & Order: Law & Order" follows the dedicated men and women who patrol the sets of the police drama "Law & Order" and protect the cast and crew. In the series premiere, sparks fly when a groggy Jerry Orbach hollers, "Who do you have to blow to get a cup of coffee around here?"

Each week, contestants are placed in a mysterious, remote location with few clues as to where they are, and then are set upon by dinosaurs and terrifying hordes of Sleestak. There’s nothing routine about this expedition updating the Sid and Marty Krofft favorite. Chaka like reality shows!

If you hate the earnestness of "ER," "Scrubs" is the show for you. "Scrubs" makes a mockery of everything "ER" holds sacred. See slapstick liver transplants. Watch an orderly bathe a grandmother… while high. Hear a nurse say "The bad news is you’ve got cancer. The good news is that it’s treatable… with a heavy dosage of old-school boogie!" If you have any sense of decency, you’ll go right back to watching "ER" immediately.

From the writer of "Armageddon" comes a series about undercover cops commissioned to destroy a different asteroid each week. How big an asteroid, you ask?

Week One: grapefruit
Week Two: Texas
Week Three: Star Jones
Week Four: this show’s sense of adventure!

NBC is proud to present prime time’s first adult adult drama. Featuring the still-spry Marilyn Chambers as the free-thinking Jenny Schwartz, a woman of whom many would like to be inside.

We heard you, America! Will and Grace? Not gay enough. Will, Grace and Elton John? Proper amount of gay.

Increasingly lonely because of Chandler’s marriage to Monica, Joey moves in with his new imaginary friend, Zobert (Star Jones).

After years of tension, the long-brewing relationship between Daphne and Niles was resolved last season in an emotional and comic extravaganza that had viewers doing spit takes with their cabernet sauvignon. This season, that other long-brewing relationship—Frasier and Eddie—comes to a head when Eddie declares his love by shredding a copy of Proust and defecating on the rug.

Have you met NBC’s three sisters yet? There’s A.J. Langer—hot, hot, hot. Now check out "NewsRadio" alum Vicki Lewis—yowza! And Katherine LaNasa? More like Katherine LaNasty! Seriously, her awful hygiene and coarse language are a constant source of friction on set.

"Dateline NBC" is the most watched newsmagazine in prime time. But did you know that repeated exposure to the image of Stone Phillips may release endorphins in your brain that cause short-term memory loss and spasms? Don’t miss this "Dateline" investigation.

Last season, millions of viewers delighted in the tale of Ed, a man who turned his local bowling alley into an impromptu law office. This season, Ed will open more unlikely businesses in the alley including a pastry factory, a trivia game show, a minor league baseball complex, a walk-through veterinary clinic and a video arcade, despite the Biblical prohibitions against housing bowling with other amusements.

David Spade’s character Finch will leave the show this fall after his character is chased around the office with a stun gun by his boss Jack (George Segal). Shhh! Don’t tell David Spade. It’s a surprise.

We may not have George Clooney or Julianna Margulies, but we’ve got Hollywood’s newest hot couple: the second Becky from "Roseanne" and the guy who played the bully in "Karate Kid" and "Just One of the Guys."

Aaron Sorkin has been working hard to develop plotlines for this season, taking inspiration from both current events and hallucinogens. In the first episode alone, a green octopus is appointed to the Treasury; C.J. fights a forest nymph with heat vision; and the president implements a short-sighted tax cut.

Host Anne Robinson enlivens this survey of the past million years of evolution with the caustic disregard for others’ feelings that made her a megastar. Animated representations of extinct marsupials grouse to the camera about how it was really Cro-Magnon man who should have been voted out.

As all of you know, the third season of any hit series features the main character entering a drug-induced hysteria. It’s just the rules. Hence, expect Sydney to open a lucrative heroin dealership in the back rooms of her medical clinic. "Providence" will deal more explicitly with the horrors of addiction than any other primetime drama.*

*Note: "Friends" is a comedy.

This action-packed drama features one of the most underappreciated casts of any NBC program. It stars… that guy… you know… the one who was in that other show…. with the jet ski? Also featuring that dude with the shoes.


Fall Schedules: NBC | CBS | ABC | FOX | WB | UPN

[ FALL TV 2001 Contributors ]

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