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Fall Schedules: NBC | CBS | ABC | FOX | WB | UPN

All we had at time of press is that this series will star former MTV VJ Bill Bellamy. It is unclear whether he will portray a man, woman or dog.

Tom Welling was cast as Clark Kent based on the strength of his performance in CBS’s "Judging Amy." The fact that Tom possesses the powers of flight, heat vision and freeze breath had nothing to do with it.

The stretchy comic-book hero gets his own prequel show following "Smallville." Young Plas grapples with the trials of adolescence and having a penis that stretches to infinite lengths.

This humourous comedy deals with the lives of colourful British football centres with day jobs: one drives a lorry, the other operates a lift. In the pilot episode they go on holiday but end up in hospital.

An upgrade from the wonderful but far too buggy original "Elimidate," the new deluxe edition promises a collectible tin, a polybagged, sealed CD-ROM jewelbox with a hologram cover, a cloth map of Middle Earth suitable for framing or using as a placemat, some foam peanuts and the latest version of Elimidate, now at v5.23a. Preorder yours now!

Bob Saget watches re-runs of "Charmed." So really, it’s only raising specific parts of dad.

Reba McEntire stars as Bette Midler in a show that chronicles the making of last season’s sitcom "Bette." For those who found Midler’s portrayal of herself narcissistic and/or creepy, McEntire’s homespun southern charm should provide the Midler character some much-needed humanity.

Well, I just showered, so it probably is you.

Rose McGowan joins the cast of this show about incredibly hot women who do stuff. They wear tight pants while people try to stop them from doing stuff, and then some things happen which cause them to bend and sometimes sweat. Then they do the stuff they were going to do before and continue to wear tight pants. The occult is involved somehow. This is the best show on television.

Now a college senior, Felicity takes a break from exploring the vagaries of love to go on a series of humiliating job interviews, sleep too much, drink warm Jim Beam at noon, wear the same stained sweatpants day in and day out, mull over law school applications and listen to her father’s warnings that she’ll have to "get off the money train come May, missy."

Hey, you wanna talk about 7th heaven? Just throw me a jar of Astroglide and the cast of "Charmed." Rrrowwrrrrr!

Angels are beautiful protectors. They have wings that wrap around your heart and flowing gowns that shimmer when they fly. Sometimes an angel will appear as a butterfly or sunny day or warm thought. Sometimes they consume the blood of others to survive.

1st Network Executive: "Hey, last year we created an all-female singing group."
2nd Network Executive: "You know what’d be different—a co-ed singing group!"
3rd Network Executive: "And you know what? We can let them write their own songs."
[Network Execs 1 and 2 rip off 3rd Network Exec’s mask, revealing him to be hippie commie freak.]

A new running joke this season has Nikki constantly falling into vats of maple syrup, then shouting, "I’m sticky! I’m Nikki!" Not as hot as "Charmed" but getting there.

In a hilarious fantasy episode, Sabrina is transported back to Salem, Massachusetts in 1692, where she is hanged.

This documentary covers a year in the life of David Gilmour’s groupies. Watch as they start fights with fans of Roger Waters, attempt to pick out Gilmour’s guitar work on assorted Paul McCartney albums, and tweeze each other’s eyebrows.

Fill in your own punchline. This writes itself, people.

Hi! How are you? Steve Harvey sends you this file in order to have your advice.


Fall Schedules: NBC | CBS | ABC | FOX | WB | UPN

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